What Causes Fights and Quarrels Among You?
I.
Introduction
a.
This
year we want to help you get more rooted in Christ and grow closer together. One way we are doing that is through these
messages, as we look at a question from the Bible.
b.
Illus: I
am a pretty peaceful person…most of the time. I don’t get into a lot of fights,
when I was in school I avoided drama as much as possible. But I have had fights and quarrels before.
a.
Not too
long ago I got into a fight without words.
It all started when the church board decided that the church should get
a cigarette butt container (an outdoor ashtray) so that when we have funerals
or weddings or people that smoke at service they would have a place to get rid
of their butts. A certain area was
designated for it and it was put into place.
b.
VBS
started and I noticed that someone had planted geraniums in it, and it soon
became apparent that it wasn’t an accident.
So I pulled them out and placed them in the garbage, which I regret
doing.
c.
The next
day there was another geranium in it, so I pulled this one out and put it in a
bowl next to the ash tray. This went on
throughout the week. I finally ended up
winning because the second geranium died and they went on vacation and stopped
putting them in the ash tray.
d.
Behind
the scenes Pastor Kevin was getting questioned about this, who was destroying
the geraniums, who was moving them? I
didn’t tell anyone, in fact until that December I hadn’t told anyone but
Lacey. That was one of my better fights.
e.
I’ve
been in other fights though that weren’t quite as fun, ending in yelling and
screaming, once or twice it ended with me getting punched in the face from my
brother.
f.
The
worst fight I ever got in was with my brother.
We were playing Risk and had made a rule that we were not going to make
treaties or gang up. He and another guy
did half way through and we ended up yelling at each other for 10 minutes
before I left the table and went to my room.
The resolve was that we wouldn’t play Risk with each other ever again,
and I haven’t played it at all since then.
II.
Body
a.
Many of
you are going back to school tomorrow or already started back into school. Over the years as a youth pastor I have seen
or heard of so much drama and fights happening in school. You have a bunch of hormoned-up teenagers who
don’t necessarily like each other in small hallways, forced to be around each
other after getting very little sleep…and fights and drama happen. We don’t want them to, and maybe a good
starting point to seeing them end is by discovering what causes fights.
a.
What
causes fights?
b.
Read
James 4:1-3 – “What causes fights and
quarrels among you? Don’t they come from
your desires that battle within you? You
want something but don’t get it. You
kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask
God. When you ask, you do not receive,
because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your
pleasures.”
c.
What Causes
fights?
a.
Humans
have been fighting ever since Adam and Eve first sinned. Why do we do it though? What causes us to fight?
b.
James
tells us that fights happen because of desires.
We want something, don’t’ get it so we get mad and fight and quarrel.
c.
What
kinds of things do people desire?
Material possessions, respect, love, peace, popularity, healing,
forgiveness, hope…
d.
What
kinds of things do people often receive?
Rudeness, mockery, disrespect, chaos, being made fun of, harm,
hopelessness, anger
d.
How Do
We End Fights?
a.
Give
others their good desires: Show respect, show love, leave them alone if they
want left alone, show them hope, bring about healing, forgive them
i.
AKA the
golden rule: Matthew 7:12 – So in everything, do to others what you would have
them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
b.
Check
your own desires to make sure they are what God desires
i.
God
desires us to live holy and blameless lives, so if that desire stands in the
way of that, it isn’t a good desire.
c.
Check
your motives to make sure you desire things for good reasons
i.
It could
be a good desire (I desire love) but for the wrong reason (so I can feel good
about the bad thing I am doing)
d.
Ask God
for those desires, rather than turning to other people for them
e.
When all
else fails, keep your mouth shut and walk away
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